spicergear
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- Millerstown, PA
Velvet, my Rockwelled and rat motored M715~
Barry, an older buddy of mine in PA~
Me, Spicergear...our hero...and king retard~
Well, we made TTC for this year and and here are some of the trial and tribulations gone through just getting there and back...it's a long read so get comfy. Oh, I'm legally bound by a confidentiality agreement not to give much out on the TTC event and winner and such but I'll throw ya this; We won two events out of seven!!!...not the whole shabang...but two of seven at TTC competing against ten quite cool rigs! TTC '05 ROCKED!!! Buy the movie at X-mas!!!
So anyway...may I present, "Getting There is Half the Fun."
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<SPAN]<FONT color=gray>...a statement that usually got me beaten by Barry.
Now...this is just the there's and backs of the TTC adventure not the event itself...
Going to leave Thursday morning. Been trying for some time to get a hold of what was thought to be a pretty solid truck/trailer combo for the event. Tuesday afternoon at lunch I get a return call, truck/trailer owner informs me that combo is no longer available. I nearly puke at Wendy's. I call favors in from everywhere and am able to round up a 10,000#GVW equipment trailer from a buddy (the trailer used to get Futura) but still no truck. It's nearing the point that all my hard work and efforts are either going to go down the drain, or I'm driving (yes...driving) Velvet to TTC on the old 1100x20 Goodyears...which I really don't want to do, but will since so many people took the time and effort to fill out the ballad and get us a spot.
Pop says, "let's go." 'where?' "Potters." <-the local Dodge dealer. 'Pop, you don't need too...' "You're wasting time, get changed."
So we go to that place and walk around...nothing there. We head to the next town to a Chevy dealer. They have an '02 Duramax/Allison GMC there with 40K miles on it. We talk to the guy and tell him we'll be back in the morning to check it out. We look over it and pop tells them he'll take it. Go to bank, come back. They prep the truck...oh, and I point out to the salesman that the detail monkeys took all the wheel weights off and the tires all need rebalanced. ...he'll see that it's done. 5hrs later, they call and tell us the truck is ready. We drive over, truck looks good, I hop in and leave. Pop has not driven the truck, but laid down some nice bread to get it.
I have to drive about an hour to pick up the trailer and luckily the light plug fits. WHEW! Back to the farm, another hour...start getting stuff together. Have to put stock deuce wheels and tires on the front of Velvet to clear the inside of the fenders.
Barry arrives in midst of scrambling for this and that...last minute since for 36 hours I've been scrambling like mad just to find a tow combo again. Barry gets the truck all chained down and finally...FINALLY, we're able to head out and off to Hollister, CA!!!
The trailer is a heavy-duty pintle hitched equipment trailer that is deck built heavier than the suspension or tires. A-hem. It has a dented wheel and is missing a bearing cap on one wheel. Roll the dice on the dented wheel, cut down a soda can, packed it with grease and camo duct taped it on. Yep, we're on the way to hell...
So we're on the way and fill up and check the tires and hubs for warmth. The tire on the dented wheel is a little warmer than the others...hmmm. The truck for some reason has also broken off a wheel weight on the drivers side rear tire. I think, "shi77y weight," and leave it go.
Slowly over the next 800 miles that tire is showing some pretty queer tread wear patterns...hmmm. I call Doug C in Iowa and tell him that I'm charging him with the task of finding a 6 bolt trailer wheel for us. He asks what size...I don't have a tape, but measure off the distance on a dollar bill and UNIVERSALLY (as Barry is rolling in hysterics and calling me a retard) give him the distance to be measure. He ends up finding a new wheel someone never picked up from someplace and we meet him for lunch and snag it. More miles go on and we pass a tire shop at 5 to 5 Friday afternoon. I hang an illegal U-turn on I-80 and we book it back to that past exit. The tire shop has a new trailer tire to put on the new wheel (oh, Doug got a good spare on the wheel, but we figured we better go new and trailer style if we could). We tell the shop about the TTC thing and they don't charge us to mount or swap off the wheel...nice helpful people. We're back on the road and feeling better.
Barry and I swap off driving again and he's up for a big shift through Wyoming. We get to Cheyenne and find that a winter storm...in FRIGGIN JUNE(!!!) has I-80 closed for an indefinite amount of time and we discuss how many people would be killed or sued if someone tried to close a highway in the east for SNOW. We sit...for 8 FRIGGIN hours looking 4 miles across pasture at the blinking light of the official sitting at the closed gate. Aside from just sitting there...in our now locker room smelling Duramax truck, there's this danged gazelle (Barry insists it's a pronghorn Antelope or something silly like that...) that walks across this unending plain of grass and sits down. It's 30 some degrees, the truck is being buffeted from the wind, it's raining sideways...and this poor excuse for a goat just sits there! IT DOESN'T EVEN SIT LIKE AERODYNAMICALLY!!! ARGH!!! Sits there for hours watching us! THEN ANOTHER ONE!!! *stupid mocking infuriating African goats!* -Finally we see a plume of spray from some rigs way off there and decide they're going...SO WE ARE TOO!!! The mountain pass had like 10" of wet heavy snow and 40mph gusts. Interesting. Oh, and ground fog. Nice! Eh, we're finally moving again.
We get to the access road at the Bonneville Speedway Exit of I-80 and pit for fuel after driving on fumes from Salt Lake City.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> -My second time of hitting that fuel station on the last cup of fuel in a tank (Bonneville World of Speed '95) I won't try for 3.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Interestingly enough...the trailer lights only work on brake and turns and don't have any tail.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> We fiddle with them outside Wendover figuring it was at the plug then I drive across Nevada that night with no lights.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> See a cop, put a foot on the brake pedal.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> It's all good.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> HA!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I tell Barry, in the words of Forrest Gump, "I am not a smart man."<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> He starts busting up laughing in a high blood pressure way...and says, "You're not Spicergear (my online alias) you're SpicerGump!"<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> And just like that...SpicerGump is born.
Après Nevaday (after Nevada in Spicerese) yields Donner pass...the worst road I've ever been on in my life...outside of PA. It is a wretched annihilated cement road hammered to sh!# by semis in mandatory tire chain areas...it is an equipment eater and oh-hey...has some construction going on too! BUT, we made it scathe free and continued to Sacramento to catch I-5 (I think) to head south toward our goal now under 150 miles away...we've covered just under 2700mi so far. !!!YAHOOOO!!!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> For some reason...there's one of the largest 'whoops' I've ever been over on a main road just south of Sacramento near Lodi. I had just rolled down the window to hear an interesting blingity-blang-tinkle-ding noise. Barry and I both wide-eyed look at each other and convince ourselves that it was the pintle 'slack' and the safety chains that continue to kiss the road during our aftershocks. We pull into the Flying J at Lodi and fuel up. Barry checks the tires and hubs and says, "Hey, we got a problem, bud." Well, the problem was that the trailer is designed as a spring-under set up with U-bolts and a lower plate holding the suspension together. Well...three of them were still attached...and the other was after the Lodi-mogul section of I-5. This is bad. It's Sunday afternoon, everything helpful is closed. I get one trailer shop that’s open and the guy asks the size of the U-bolt. I don't have a tape, or a dollar, so I measure it with a $5 bill. -Barry is laughing at me again and calling me 'Spicer Gump.' ...not that he's wrong but dangit, it's a good universal system of measurement!!! So I ask the guy on the phone if he's got a $5 bill. "No." 'Dude, I'm trying to tell you how big the bolt is, do you have a $5 bill there?' "Hang on...(he seems irked already) yeah...I have one." 'Is it a new one with Lincoln off to the left side of center?' "No." 'Well you need to get that one.' The guy seems really irked now and gets back on the phone. "yeah...I have it here now." 'Okay...' I give him the point to point of the bill and he tells me size of the U-bolt. He's about 20 miles away and open for a couple more hours too. "Do you have the lower plates too, I'm gonna need that along with the U-bolts to fix the trailer here." "No, I don't have those." 'You have the bolts, but not the plate?' "yes...is there anything else I can help you with?" 'I guess not if you don't have the plates...' "GOOD." *slam* Our transaction is ended with relief from him by hanging up on me and me giggling manically as the end is so close...yet...well, you know.
Exhaustion caught up and a little Flying J siesta sets in when Doug and Mark arrive in Marks 8.1 powered FSChevy. I'm ticked, tired, and hungry and decide to get some food. Mark, Doug and I walking across the truck lot, Doug spies a dually dodge with an aluminum 'wedge' trailer. He flags the guy down as he walks across the lot. Through this and that the guys is going south near Hollister and will take Velvet down...for some cash. He's and older chap that only pulled in to buy some chicken for his dog, some grease for his hair, and maybe some pet tricks while driving. So this guy, we privately dub 'Chicken Licker,' tells us he'll follow Mark and kind of plays dumb to where we're going...however, Chicken Licker is smarter than he looks...I sort of feel bad for calling him that...though it is amusing in this time of travel instability. We pull the tires off the front axle of the trailer and prepare to follow down on the back axle to the TTC at Hollister. I think Barry has a pic of Velvet on the Wedge trailer. The guy takes off down the road before any of us are ready and Barry amusingly states, "HA, you just paid some dips$!t money to steal your truck!" I laugh about it until I realize I can't see that guy at all and it looks as if a serious situation could be in process. We just spy the guy as he rounds the ramp to the highway, WAY, ahead of us. I call Mark and tell him to book it up here as the guy was supposed to be following him.
After what seem to be an eternity of up hill climbs we get to Hollister. We're driving through Hollister and Barry starts telling me that he doesn't think anyone realizes, truly realizes, how long we've been in this truck and lets loose with; "I'VE BEEN SITTING IN THESE SAME CLOTHES AND THIS SAME SEAT LONG ENOUGH NOW THAT I FEEL LIKE AN ASTRONAUT!!! THAT'S WHY THEY CALL THEM ASSSTRONAUTS BECAUSE THEY SIT ON THEIR A$$ IN THE SAME CLOTHES--STRAPPED INTO THE SAME SEAT LIKE I AM!!! LOOK AT ME (as he cocks his head back, sticks his legs out and braces his arms) I'M JOHN F#*ING GLENN I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE SO LONG!!!” I am crying...I'm laughing so hard I stop at a green light because I can't see the color through the tears of hysterical laughter. WHEW...locals point, "loco gringo." Uh, anyway...we unload and I feel bad as I had talked the guy down from his original price for transportation from Lodi so I gave him another $40 as I am a good, fair, kind and decent person with remarkable digital dexterity. We get to chit-chatting with Chicken Licker and he tells us that he knew exactly where this place was as he used to live here. GAH!...duped by Chicken Licker!!! I am Gump...stupid is as stupi--...nevermind. Anyway...we're outside Hollister at the base of Hollister's version of Pikes Peak course and drive Velvet up the last 5 miles to the base camp. ...funny thing about that road, mining trucks run on it, but a wedge trailer can't. ...I need a drink of water. Sixty some-odd hours after initial departure, we drive into base camp with big and littles on Velvet and a trailer on one axle in tow. WHAT a sight.[/color]
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<SPAN]<FONT color=gray>Ah...refreshed now after getting some sleep after being awake for nearly 67hrs straight, I'll continue the saga of our 'Summer Vacation.' (<--Had to steal your title Barry...heh,heh) Oh, I also revised the first post and threw in some more trip details that are pretty amusing.
Okay, so when we last left our heroes, Chicken Licker was gone, Doug and Mark were here, Barry is John Glenn, and I...our hero SpicerGump...am a retard. So anyway, the motel we stayed in (thanks Mark for taking care of the reservations) just happens to be across from a trailer lot. Hmmm...this bodes well as the trailer was the only thing (aside from snow in June and mocking Gazelle...stupid goats) that gave us any trouble. Pops new Duramax/Allison GMC is a FINE piece of machinery and handled everything we threw at and dragged all that crap, truck and trailer, 2800 miles without a hint of strain! Ah...so nice, rock solid equipment...makes a guy smile. I go to the trailer place and talk to some old nit-wit about the parts I need. There must be something confusing about 2 U-bolts, a bottom plate and four nuts that confuses people that work with those parts everyday. Nitwit starts, "-I help you?" 'uh, yeah the trailer I have lost the U-bolts and plate that hold the springs and the axle together on one side.' "how's that?" 'uh...there's TWO U-bolts..that..hold..the..axle..to..the..leaf..springs. They let go and I need to replace them. Do you have replacements around?' "well you can't replace them." I bite my lip and stifle my internal monologue that’s beginning to rage and keep spoon-feeding this vegetable. 'Actually, I can in fact replace them...do you have them?' He agrees that he has them and asks what size they are. I dig for that $5 bill, but spent it on Mt Dew, Red Bull and chocolate to stay awake. I borrow a tape measure and get the measurement. He comes out with a sealed box of hardware that upon opening yields four U-bolts, two plates and eight nuts. NICE! I ask him if he has another set as the trailer is really ragged out on those parts. He gets another set and asks me why I'm only doing one side of one axle. I blank out for a minute, stifling..., there's eight U-bolts in front of us. I try, then stop...pay and leave. The trailer might even make it home.
Barry and I go off to beat Velvet one day and Doug and Mark slap the new hardware on the trailer. We come back to see the trailer on all it's rollers again...and there was much rejoicing!
*place all TTC info that I'm contractually confidentiality contractually bound to not say anything about...HERE*
Barry reminds me that the lights still need to be fixed so I borrow a test light from John Cappa and Barry starts on it. He tests the socket on the truck. OK. Tests past the socket on the trailer harness. OK. Goes to the back of the trailer and tests. Nothing. Moves to the first mass of wires. Nothing. Moves again forward on the harness. Nothing. Goes to the next mass of tape on the harness about six feet back from the socket and unravels the problem. about three strands of green corroded dust were what lit the trailer when we left Penn’s Woods. "LOOK AT THIS $H!T!!!" He starts cutting and resplicing the harness. Just down from there taped into the last mass is another mass of tape Barry decides to unwind to see what it's hiding. "WHAT?!...SPICER, LOOK AT THIS EFFIN' $H!T!!!" 'What'cha got B?" "SOME EFFIN' RETARD TAPED A CLAM SHELL INTO THE HARNESS!!!" 'A clam shell??' "LOOK!!!" He's holding a chunk of clam shell about the size of a half dollar. "WHAT--WHAT THE F#*K IS THIS?!? A SKID PLATE!!! RETARDS!!! IF I EVER MEET YOUR BUDDY I'M SHOVING THIS UP HIS A$$!!" Ah yes...so yet again...I'm wiping the tears in the midst of Barry's ballistics about why there'd be a clam shell in the harness. dang...
We change Velvet back to the little deuce tires on the front, load'er up, chain'er down and leave Hollister Hills, CA behind us with a bright sunny day ahead with a rebuilt trailer, spare tires, and clam free wiring! HA, nothing could stop us now!!!...well, I mean...not really...actually everything could stop us--and some tried. We leap over Donner Pass and look for a place to eat and check the trailer. Heading down the pass we see some kid still crapping bricks as he skidded straight out of turn in his hot 5-OH rustang and was now parked on top of a bunch of pine trees...hope his catalytic converter is too warm...retard. We find a place and check stuff...left front tire is shedding tread. Hmmm. We measure center to center of axles and find 1/2" difference between them as this side has moved forward. It's allowed to because the trailer had been so loose for so long that the centering hole in the perch had blown itself about three times as big as it should be. Nice...another parking lot...another trailer fix, but we get it back as far as we can and tighten it up. We go into a restaurant that's on the backside of Donner Pass and walk up the drive thru lane then around the corner into the building. We notice that a couple of the kitchen helpers are running around crazy like, screwed up pupils, ten moves when two would do...cracked out-cranked up meth hounds. Whew! We get our food and sit down at the table when I look out the window to see this Toyota 4Runner had pulled in and had been rolled hard and smashed the top down nicely. Picture a guy at work you make fun of that’s quite unkempt, thick glasses'ed, bed head and just plain dopey and here he is. He walks in, only bleeding slightly and walks up to the one girl cleaning tables. We're all watching him as this had to keep getting better. “Uhhh...are you getting off soon?" 'about 15 minutes...WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!' <-her voice...oh, scratchy screeching...funny stuff!!! "Uhhh...well the dogs are okay." 'YOU ROLLED THE TOYOTA...WHAT WERE YOU DRINKINGGGGG?!?!' "do you think you can leave now?" 'I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO INTO THE MOUNTAIN...OH...YOU...' So she's trying to remain somewhat stable at work while she's whipping him with the munge towel she's been cleaning tables with. We finish our meal and head back out to the truck and Barry let's loose with an equally screeching, "WHAT WERE YOU DRINKINGGGG!!!"<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> We all holler laughing as we walk back out the drive thru lane and I notice that one of the vehicles that was there when we walked in had now moved two positions and was almost ready to get it's food...one person is backing out. Never a dull moment.
HA, nothing can stop us...yeah,yeah...so anyway, we careen across Nevada (lit this time), blow past SLC, sail across Wyoming and have a date to swing into a Sapp Bros place in Omaha and meet a fellow zoner for a tank of fuel! Within sight of Sapp Bros the truck gets a little bit of an odd feeling to it. I roll down the window to be greeted with '-creak~clock-creak~clock-' coming from the left front trailer wheel. Barry finds his happy place as he's had trailers for years and basically has had done everything that a trailer can do on the road and, of course, is enjoying being the word of wisdom. Right, so anyway...I pull in the place and get out to see what's destroyed now. Funny thing, nothing looks wrong with the trailer. ??? ?!? Huh? Then Doug says (in a tone of saying something that he really doesn't want to say) "uh, Tom...it's up here." He's standing beside the truck and points gingerly toward the driver's side rear wheel. I look at it to find that the GMC beauty cover thing is gone exposing what started the trip as an eight lug axle...now with only five studs remaining with the nuts about to fall off. Yep, she snapped off THREE wheel studs and was flopping. Funny how the slack of a pintle hook will hide that...heh,heh...poop. Remember the 'Detail Monkeys' and how I got the dealership to balance the wheels? Well, apparently they're used to doing friggin Corsica’s or something and didn't tighten the lugs enough!!! I ask Doug to find the torque spec in the owners manual. 140ft-lbs PER STUD!!! Okay so that much torque does NOT just undo! For grins, I go to the other side to be greeted THAT GMC beauty cover thing NOT being there as well. Sheesh...I put the lug wrench on and pull 3/4 of a turn! I put it on the next one and decide to see how tight they are. It goes on at about the 2 O'clock position, I pull with two fingers up to 12 O'clock and the lug wrench spins free and swings down with the loose nut. I kinda feel sick. I kinda feel agitated. I kinda feel like five Red Bulls and peanut butter cups are no longer needed. I call the emergency line for the Chevy dealer...and leave a message. Nice. Our guy in Omaha, Rich, calls the local Chevy line and has a guy call him back only to tell us that he'll tow it, but won't work on it for a day and a half. Oh, and it's Sunday morning at 12:40am. We brainstorm a bit, tear the wheel, rotor, and caliper off to get a good feel of this and pretty much conclude that this is crap we shouldn't have to deal with and we're gonna tighten up the five and limp home...TWELVE FRIGGIN' HUNDRED MILES AT 50MPH!!! So...middle of the next day the Chevy dealer guy calls to tell me that he got the messages...after church. I tell him what the problem is and he starts a sales pitch on me, "well you are pulling a heavy trailer." 'So you're telling me that everyone that buys a heavy duty diesel truck needs to be a mechanic and carry a torque wrench to tighten up the lugs while they're using it?!' "Uh, well no...I mean..." I tell him how loose everything was, how the wheel is galled, how we'd ejected two caps, THEN told him what the torque spec is called out and tell him to think about it. He does. "well, yeah...that shouldn't happen if they're tight. You know we have a vast network of dealerships we can find one on your way..." I cut him off with 'and they'll be able to get to us tomorrow which will put us two days behind. We'll do that if you have a job waiting for me when I get there 'cause I only have so much time for this trip.' He's pretty quiet then tells me 'good luck' and he'll see me when I get there.
Well, from there on out it was pretty uneventful and boring as hell as we headed east in a dealer induced 'limp-home mode' for the last 1200 miles. So 62 hours after departing the camp in Hollister, I am 'Gump, Barry is still John Glenn...only now professing his underwear has turned into a "T-back," and as we pull into the driveway at the farm we breathe a collective sigh of relief.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I tallied 2 hours of sleep in the past 67 hours as with all the mechanical conundrums I had been petrified to sleep.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> In the next few months I expect to sprout some new 'grays' from this!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> HA!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> MY TOP TRUCK CHALLENGE ADVENTURE ROCKED!!!!!
This is how I spent my summer vacation.[/color]
Barry, an older buddy of mine in PA~
Me, Spicergear...our hero...and king retard~
Well, we made TTC for this year and and here are some of the trial and tribulations gone through just getting there and back...it's a long read so get comfy. Oh, I'm legally bound by a confidentiality agreement not to give much out on the TTC event and winner and such but I'll throw ya this; We won two events out of seven!!!...not the whole shabang...but two of seven at TTC competing against ten quite cool rigs! TTC '05 ROCKED!!! Buy the movie at X-mas!!!
So anyway...may I present, "Getting There is Half the Fun."
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></o></FONT><SPAN]<FONT color=gray>...a statement that usually got me beaten by Barry.
Now...this is just the there's and backs of the TTC adventure not the event itself...
Going to leave Thursday morning. Been trying for some time to get a hold of what was thought to be a pretty solid truck/trailer combo for the event. Tuesday afternoon at lunch I get a return call, truck/trailer owner informs me that combo is no longer available. I nearly puke at Wendy's. I call favors in from everywhere and am able to round up a 10,000#GVW equipment trailer from a buddy (the trailer used to get Futura) but still no truck. It's nearing the point that all my hard work and efforts are either going to go down the drain, or I'm driving (yes...driving) Velvet to TTC on the old 1100x20 Goodyears...which I really don't want to do, but will since so many people took the time and effort to fill out the ballad and get us a spot.
Pop says, "let's go." 'where?' "Potters." <-the local Dodge dealer. 'Pop, you don't need too...' "You're wasting time, get changed."
So we go to that place and walk around...nothing there. We head to the next town to a Chevy dealer. They have an '02 Duramax/Allison GMC there with 40K miles on it. We talk to the guy and tell him we'll be back in the morning to check it out. We look over it and pop tells them he'll take it. Go to bank, come back. They prep the truck...oh, and I point out to the salesman that the detail monkeys took all the wheel weights off and the tires all need rebalanced. ...he'll see that it's done. 5hrs later, they call and tell us the truck is ready. We drive over, truck looks good, I hop in and leave. Pop has not driven the truck, but laid down some nice bread to get it.
I have to drive about an hour to pick up the trailer and luckily the light plug fits. WHEW! Back to the farm, another hour...start getting stuff together. Have to put stock deuce wheels and tires on the front of Velvet to clear the inside of the fenders.
Barry arrives in midst of scrambling for this and that...last minute since for 36 hours I've been scrambling like mad just to find a tow combo again. Barry gets the truck all chained down and finally...FINALLY, we're able to head out and off to Hollister, CA!!!
The trailer is a heavy-duty pintle hitched equipment trailer that is deck built heavier than the suspension or tires. A-hem. It has a dented wheel and is missing a bearing cap on one wheel. Roll the dice on the dented wheel, cut down a soda can, packed it with grease and camo duct taped it on. Yep, we're on the way to hell...
So we're on the way and fill up and check the tires and hubs for warmth. The tire on the dented wheel is a little warmer than the others...hmmm. The truck for some reason has also broken off a wheel weight on the drivers side rear tire. I think, "shi77y weight," and leave it go.
Slowly over the next 800 miles that tire is showing some pretty queer tread wear patterns...hmmm. I call Doug C in Iowa and tell him that I'm charging him with the task of finding a 6 bolt trailer wheel for us. He asks what size...I don't have a tape, but measure off the distance on a dollar bill and UNIVERSALLY (as Barry is rolling in hysterics and calling me a retard) give him the distance to be measure. He ends up finding a new wheel someone never picked up from someplace and we meet him for lunch and snag it. More miles go on and we pass a tire shop at 5 to 5 Friday afternoon. I hang an illegal U-turn on I-80 and we book it back to that past exit. The tire shop has a new trailer tire to put on the new wheel (oh, Doug got a good spare on the wheel, but we figured we better go new and trailer style if we could). We tell the shop about the TTC thing and they don't charge us to mount or swap off the wheel...nice helpful people. We're back on the road and feeling better.
Barry and I swap off driving again and he's up for a big shift through Wyoming. We get to Cheyenne and find that a winter storm...in FRIGGIN JUNE(!!!) has I-80 closed for an indefinite amount of time and we discuss how many people would be killed or sued if someone tried to close a highway in the east for SNOW. We sit...for 8 FRIGGIN hours looking 4 miles across pasture at the blinking light of the official sitting at the closed gate. Aside from just sitting there...in our now locker room smelling Duramax truck, there's this danged gazelle (Barry insists it's a pronghorn Antelope or something silly like that...) that walks across this unending plain of grass and sits down. It's 30 some degrees, the truck is being buffeted from the wind, it's raining sideways...and this poor excuse for a goat just sits there! IT DOESN'T EVEN SIT LIKE AERODYNAMICALLY!!! ARGH!!! Sits there for hours watching us! THEN ANOTHER ONE!!! *stupid mocking infuriating African goats!* -Finally we see a plume of spray from some rigs way off there and decide they're going...SO WE ARE TOO!!! The mountain pass had like 10" of wet heavy snow and 40mph gusts. Interesting. Oh, and ground fog. Nice! Eh, we're finally moving again.
We get to the access road at the Bonneville Speedway Exit of I-80 and pit for fuel after driving on fumes from Salt Lake City.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> -My second time of hitting that fuel station on the last cup of fuel in a tank (Bonneville World of Speed '95) I won't try for 3.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Interestingly enough...the trailer lights only work on brake and turns and don't have any tail.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> We fiddle with them outside Wendover figuring it was at the plug then I drive across Nevada that night with no lights.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> See a cop, put a foot on the brake pedal.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> It's all good.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> HA!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I tell Barry, in the words of Forrest Gump, "I am not a smart man."<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> He starts busting up laughing in a high blood pressure way...and says, "You're not Spicergear (my online alias) you're SpicerGump!"<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> And just like that...SpicerGump is born.
Après Nevaday (after Nevada in Spicerese) yields Donner pass...the worst road I've ever been on in my life...outside of PA. It is a wretched annihilated cement road hammered to sh!# by semis in mandatory tire chain areas...it is an equipment eater and oh-hey...has some construction going on too! BUT, we made it scathe free and continued to Sacramento to catch I-5 (I think) to head south toward our goal now under 150 miles away...we've covered just under 2700mi so far. !!!YAHOOOO!!!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> For some reason...there's one of the largest 'whoops' I've ever been over on a main road just south of Sacramento near Lodi. I had just rolled down the window to hear an interesting blingity-blang-tinkle-ding noise. Barry and I both wide-eyed look at each other and convince ourselves that it was the pintle 'slack' and the safety chains that continue to kiss the road during our aftershocks. We pull into the Flying J at Lodi and fuel up. Barry checks the tires and hubs and says, "Hey, we got a problem, bud." Well, the problem was that the trailer is designed as a spring-under set up with U-bolts and a lower plate holding the suspension together. Well...three of them were still attached...and the other was after the Lodi-mogul section of I-5. This is bad. It's Sunday afternoon, everything helpful is closed. I get one trailer shop that’s open and the guy asks the size of the U-bolt. I don't have a tape, or a dollar, so I measure it with a $5 bill. -Barry is laughing at me again and calling me 'Spicer Gump.' ...not that he's wrong but dangit, it's a good universal system of measurement!!! So I ask the guy on the phone if he's got a $5 bill. "No." 'Dude, I'm trying to tell you how big the bolt is, do you have a $5 bill there?' "Hang on...(he seems irked already) yeah...I have one." 'Is it a new one with Lincoln off to the left side of center?' "No." 'Well you need to get that one.' The guy seems really irked now and gets back on the phone. "yeah...I have it here now." 'Okay...' I give him the point to point of the bill and he tells me size of the U-bolt. He's about 20 miles away and open for a couple more hours too. "Do you have the lower plates too, I'm gonna need that along with the U-bolts to fix the trailer here." "No, I don't have those." 'You have the bolts, but not the plate?' "yes...is there anything else I can help you with?" 'I guess not if you don't have the plates...' "GOOD." *slam* Our transaction is ended with relief from him by hanging up on me and me giggling manically as the end is so close...yet...well, you know.
Exhaustion caught up and a little Flying J siesta sets in when Doug and Mark arrive in Marks 8.1 powered FSChevy. I'm ticked, tired, and hungry and decide to get some food. Mark, Doug and I walking across the truck lot, Doug spies a dually dodge with an aluminum 'wedge' trailer. He flags the guy down as he walks across the lot. Through this and that the guys is going south near Hollister and will take Velvet down...for some cash. He's and older chap that only pulled in to buy some chicken for his dog, some grease for his hair, and maybe some pet tricks while driving. So this guy, we privately dub 'Chicken Licker,' tells us he'll follow Mark and kind of plays dumb to where we're going...however, Chicken Licker is smarter than he looks...I sort of feel bad for calling him that...though it is amusing in this time of travel instability. We pull the tires off the front axle of the trailer and prepare to follow down on the back axle to the TTC at Hollister. I think Barry has a pic of Velvet on the Wedge trailer. The guy takes off down the road before any of us are ready and Barry amusingly states, "HA, you just paid some dips$!t money to steal your truck!" I laugh about it until I realize I can't see that guy at all and it looks as if a serious situation could be in process. We just spy the guy as he rounds the ramp to the highway, WAY, ahead of us. I call Mark and tell him to book it up here as the guy was supposed to be following him.
After what seem to be an eternity of up hill climbs we get to Hollister. We're driving through Hollister and Barry starts telling me that he doesn't think anyone realizes, truly realizes, how long we've been in this truck and lets loose with; "I'VE BEEN SITTING IN THESE SAME CLOTHES AND THIS SAME SEAT LONG ENOUGH NOW THAT I FEEL LIKE AN ASTRONAUT!!! THAT'S WHY THEY CALL THEM ASSSTRONAUTS BECAUSE THEY SIT ON THEIR A$$ IN THE SAME CLOTHES--STRAPPED INTO THE SAME SEAT LIKE I AM!!! LOOK AT ME (as he cocks his head back, sticks his legs out and braces his arms) I'M JOHN F#*ING GLENN I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE SO LONG!!!” I am crying...I'm laughing so hard I stop at a green light because I can't see the color through the tears of hysterical laughter. WHEW...locals point, "loco gringo." Uh, anyway...we unload and I feel bad as I had talked the guy down from his original price for transportation from Lodi so I gave him another $40 as I am a good, fair, kind and decent person with remarkable digital dexterity. We get to chit-chatting with Chicken Licker and he tells us that he knew exactly where this place was as he used to live here. GAH!...duped by Chicken Licker!!! I am Gump...stupid is as stupi--...nevermind. Anyway...we're outside Hollister at the base of Hollister's version of Pikes Peak course and drive Velvet up the last 5 miles to the base camp. ...funny thing about that road, mining trucks run on it, but a wedge trailer can't. ...I need a drink of water. Sixty some-odd hours after initial departure, we drive into base camp with big and littles on Velvet and a trailer on one axle in tow. WHAT a sight.[/color]
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></o><SPAN]<FONT color=gray>Ah...refreshed now after getting some sleep after being awake for nearly 67hrs straight, I'll continue the saga of our 'Summer Vacation.' (<--Had to steal your title Barry...heh,heh) Oh, I also revised the first post and threw in some more trip details that are pretty amusing.
Okay, so when we last left our heroes, Chicken Licker was gone, Doug and Mark were here, Barry is John Glenn, and I...our hero SpicerGump...am a retard. So anyway, the motel we stayed in (thanks Mark for taking care of the reservations) just happens to be across from a trailer lot. Hmmm...this bodes well as the trailer was the only thing (aside from snow in June and mocking Gazelle...stupid goats) that gave us any trouble. Pops new Duramax/Allison GMC is a FINE piece of machinery and handled everything we threw at and dragged all that crap, truck and trailer, 2800 miles without a hint of strain! Ah...so nice, rock solid equipment...makes a guy smile. I go to the trailer place and talk to some old nit-wit about the parts I need. There must be something confusing about 2 U-bolts, a bottom plate and four nuts that confuses people that work with those parts everyday. Nitwit starts, "-I help you?" 'uh, yeah the trailer I have lost the U-bolts and plate that hold the springs and the axle together on one side.' "how's that?" 'uh...there's TWO U-bolts..that..hold..the..axle..to..the..leaf..springs. They let go and I need to replace them. Do you have replacements around?' "well you can't replace them." I bite my lip and stifle my internal monologue that’s beginning to rage and keep spoon-feeding this vegetable. 'Actually, I can in fact replace them...do you have them?' He agrees that he has them and asks what size they are. I dig for that $5 bill, but spent it on Mt Dew, Red Bull and chocolate to stay awake. I borrow a tape measure and get the measurement. He comes out with a sealed box of hardware that upon opening yields four U-bolts, two plates and eight nuts. NICE! I ask him if he has another set as the trailer is really ragged out on those parts. He gets another set and asks me why I'm only doing one side of one axle. I blank out for a minute, stifling..., there's eight U-bolts in front of us. I try, then stop...pay and leave. The trailer might even make it home.
Barry and I go off to beat Velvet one day and Doug and Mark slap the new hardware on the trailer. We come back to see the trailer on all it's rollers again...and there was much rejoicing!
*place all TTC info that I'm contractually confidentiality contractually bound to not say anything about...HERE*
Barry reminds me that the lights still need to be fixed so I borrow a test light from John Cappa and Barry starts on it. He tests the socket on the truck. OK. Tests past the socket on the trailer harness. OK. Goes to the back of the trailer and tests. Nothing. Moves to the first mass of wires. Nothing. Moves again forward on the harness. Nothing. Goes to the next mass of tape on the harness about six feet back from the socket and unravels the problem. about three strands of green corroded dust were what lit the trailer when we left Penn’s Woods. "LOOK AT THIS $H!T!!!" He starts cutting and resplicing the harness. Just down from there taped into the last mass is another mass of tape Barry decides to unwind to see what it's hiding. "WHAT?!...SPICER, LOOK AT THIS EFFIN' $H!T!!!" 'What'cha got B?" "SOME EFFIN' RETARD TAPED A CLAM SHELL INTO THE HARNESS!!!" 'A clam shell??' "LOOK!!!" He's holding a chunk of clam shell about the size of a half dollar. "WHAT--WHAT THE F#*K IS THIS?!? A SKID PLATE!!! RETARDS!!! IF I EVER MEET YOUR BUDDY I'M SHOVING THIS UP HIS A$$!!" Ah yes...so yet again...I'm wiping the tears in the midst of Barry's ballistics about why there'd be a clam shell in the harness. dang...
We change Velvet back to the little deuce tires on the front, load'er up, chain'er down and leave Hollister Hills, CA behind us with a bright sunny day ahead with a rebuilt trailer, spare tires, and clam free wiring! HA, nothing could stop us now!!!...well, I mean...not really...actually everything could stop us--and some tried. We leap over Donner Pass and look for a place to eat and check the trailer. Heading down the pass we see some kid still crapping bricks as he skidded straight out of turn in his hot 5-OH rustang and was now parked on top of a bunch of pine trees...hope his catalytic converter is too warm...retard. We find a place and check stuff...left front tire is shedding tread. Hmmm. We measure center to center of axles and find 1/2" difference between them as this side has moved forward. It's allowed to because the trailer had been so loose for so long that the centering hole in the perch had blown itself about three times as big as it should be. Nice...another parking lot...another trailer fix, but we get it back as far as we can and tighten it up. We go into a restaurant that's on the backside of Donner Pass and walk up the drive thru lane then around the corner into the building. We notice that a couple of the kitchen helpers are running around crazy like, screwed up pupils, ten moves when two would do...cracked out-cranked up meth hounds. Whew! We get our food and sit down at the table when I look out the window to see this Toyota 4Runner had pulled in and had been rolled hard and smashed the top down nicely. Picture a guy at work you make fun of that’s quite unkempt, thick glasses'ed, bed head and just plain dopey and here he is. He walks in, only bleeding slightly and walks up to the one girl cleaning tables. We're all watching him as this had to keep getting better. “Uhhh...are you getting off soon?" 'about 15 minutes...WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!' <-her voice...oh, scratchy screeching...funny stuff!!! "Uhhh...well the dogs are okay." 'YOU ROLLED THE TOYOTA...WHAT WERE YOU DRINKINGGGGG?!?!' "do you think you can leave now?" 'I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO INTO THE MOUNTAIN...OH...YOU...' So she's trying to remain somewhat stable at work while she's whipping him with the munge towel she's been cleaning tables with. We finish our meal and head back out to the truck and Barry let's loose with an equally screeching, "WHAT WERE YOU DRINKINGGGG!!!"<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> We all holler laughing as we walk back out the drive thru lane and I notice that one of the vehicles that was there when we walked in had now moved two positions and was almost ready to get it's food...one person is backing out. Never a dull moment.
HA, nothing can stop us...yeah,yeah...so anyway, we careen across Nevada (lit this time), blow past SLC, sail across Wyoming and have a date to swing into a Sapp Bros place in Omaha and meet a fellow zoner for a tank of fuel! Within sight of Sapp Bros the truck gets a little bit of an odd feeling to it. I roll down the window to be greeted with '-creak~clock-creak~clock-' coming from the left front trailer wheel. Barry finds his happy place as he's had trailers for years and basically has had done everything that a trailer can do on the road and, of course, is enjoying being the word of wisdom. Right, so anyway...I pull in the place and get out to see what's destroyed now. Funny thing, nothing looks wrong with the trailer. ??? ?!? Huh? Then Doug says (in a tone of saying something that he really doesn't want to say) "uh, Tom...it's up here." He's standing beside the truck and points gingerly toward the driver's side rear wheel. I look at it to find that the GMC beauty cover thing is gone exposing what started the trip as an eight lug axle...now with only five studs remaining with the nuts about to fall off. Yep, she snapped off THREE wheel studs and was flopping. Funny how the slack of a pintle hook will hide that...heh,heh...poop. Remember the 'Detail Monkeys' and how I got the dealership to balance the wheels? Well, apparently they're used to doing friggin Corsica’s or something and didn't tighten the lugs enough!!! I ask Doug to find the torque spec in the owners manual. 140ft-lbs PER STUD!!! Okay so that much torque does NOT just undo! For grins, I go to the other side to be greeted THAT GMC beauty cover thing NOT being there as well. Sheesh...I put the lug wrench on and pull 3/4 of a turn! I put it on the next one and decide to see how tight they are. It goes on at about the 2 O'clock position, I pull with two fingers up to 12 O'clock and the lug wrench spins free and swings down with the loose nut. I kinda feel sick. I kinda feel agitated. I kinda feel like five Red Bulls and peanut butter cups are no longer needed. I call the emergency line for the Chevy dealer...and leave a message. Nice. Our guy in Omaha, Rich, calls the local Chevy line and has a guy call him back only to tell us that he'll tow it, but won't work on it for a day and a half. Oh, and it's Sunday morning at 12:40am. We brainstorm a bit, tear the wheel, rotor, and caliper off to get a good feel of this and pretty much conclude that this is crap we shouldn't have to deal with and we're gonna tighten up the five and limp home...TWELVE FRIGGIN' HUNDRED MILES AT 50MPH!!! So...middle of the next day the Chevy dealer guy calls to tell me that he got the messages...after church. I tell him what the problem is and he starts a sales pitch on me, "well you are pulling a heavy trailer." 'So you're telling me that everyone that buys a heavy duty diesel truck needs to be a mechanic and carry a torque wrench to tighten up the lugs while they're using it?!' "Uh, well no...I mean..." I tell him how loose everything was, how the wheel is galled, how we'd ejected two caps, THEN told him what the torque spec is called out and tell him to think about it. He does. "well, yeah...that shouldn't happen if they're tight. You know we have a vast network of dealerships we can find one on your way..." I cut him off with 'and they'll be able to get to us tomorrow which will put us two days behind. We'll do that if you have a job waiting for me when I get there 'cause I only have so much time for this trip.' He's pretty quiet then tells me 'good luck' and he'll see me when I get there.
Well, from there on out it was pretty uneventful and boring as hell as we headed east in a dealer induced 'limp-home mode' for the last 1200 miles. So 62 hours after departing the camp in Hollister, I am 'Gump, Barry is still John Glenn...only now professing his underwear has turned into a "T-back," and as we pull into the driveway at the farm we breathe a collective sigh of relief.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I tallied 2 hours of sleep in the past 67 hours as with all the mechanical conundrums I had been petrified to sleep.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> In the next few months I expect to sprout some new 'grays' from this!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> HA!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> MY TOP TRUCK CHALLENGE ADVENTURE ROCKED!!!!!
This is how I spent my summer vacation.[/color]
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