in my uneducated, non NEC opinion,.
1. on the genny side, i would unbond the genny, and gnd to ground rod that is not connected to service line, lo-n, l1-l1, l2-l2. That is how I run my house, which is set up almost exactly like yours, 2 hots and a not.
2. I have a 1940's Sears and Robuck...